Feeling small and unattractive. Uninspired. Disengaged. Lost my smile for now. Isolated and detached. In my head and out of my body. Going through the motions, and not very well either.

Taking a break from casual sex, it's not easy. Holding out for more from someone. I'm not just for anyone anymore. More affection, romance, tenderness. The one I would like it to come from isn't capable of these things. Or just not interested in doing them for me. I've made my needs and desires clear, and gotten no response. He still has my heart and I'm not sure if he's keeping it safe for me or hiding it furthur away, into a deeper darkness. I fear the latter as we are not getting closer even tho we are spending time together.

I'm bored with the gays. The scene. The clothes and haircuts, the over-sexed drunks. The vapidity, tatoos, piercings, the porn.

Time to stay away from it for a while. To cultivate me, my peace, my spirit - which is not getting fed properly in the lifestyle I've been maintaining.

How long can I hold out? How long until my tender Prince arrives to kiss my hands and eyes? Or until the one I want comes around and starts treasuring me? I best ready myself for the possibility of Love.