--- RobotMeat wrote:
> Charles, this is an amazing dream. Our own
> salvations are revolutions which
> will not be televised. >

> Across the room, Beck's version of Diamond Dogs is
> playing. >

> I am happy. I still miss your love sometimes. I miss
> your strong arms drawing
> me into your life. I miss the hope, the laughing. I
> miss the fresh scent of
> your dreams when they're still hovering over you in
> the morning. Your narrative
> of the latest episode accompanied by morning wood
> and noisy stretches.

> > Any ordinary fool with a heart and warm blood would
> get attached to your
> love, your sweetness, your affection. Of course I
> needed you. Of course I did not
> want to let go. Every man needs your love, your
> lips, your drops of sweat.
> Your cooking, your care, your friendliness.

> > It's so hard to see through the pain, most of the
> time. I need to unblock
> this, unlock this. >

> Love you.

Thank you. I love you as well. I guess we all miss
what once was, sometimes, if not constantly. I wonder
if days, mornings, a life like that is possible
again...being who I am, at this age, is a love like
that possible? Or did the desperation and salvation of
it make it larger than anything that would follow?

Is love for the young or naive? Or is love something
else? I long to share my dreams, dinners and
morning wood with someone who's entirely enamoured by
me [&vice versa]. This life is all so casual, I've got many
acquaintances, but nothing deep. Lots of smiles but
no one to hug as hard as I can and not let go until I'm
ready. "I wanna be adored" as the Stone Roses wrote.
But adoration still makes me a bit uncomfortable, I
still feel unworthy of it...something for me to work
on, at least I know I'm still alive.

Things are fine, but something is missing. Maybe it's
lasagna, or jumping over a church. I'll have to look
into in furthur.

Charls